I'm a piece of crap and i am a **** son.?

I have called my mom names. I have chastised her and she has done the same to me. But I went too far last month when I said a derogatory, sexual remark towards her. She spat on me last year and she has scolded me on more than one occasion. So it's back and forth but that one remark that I had said was uncalled for. I should die. Seriously. I am not a good person nor a good son. If my mom told my grandfather then I would be kicked out of his apartment. I feel ashamed. My mom has done many mistakes but I should be slapped.