Please understand my pain?

Personally, I believe crushes, love and other feelings like this are something out of our control. True, that we have ideas of our "perfect" mate, but we really cannot pick who we fall in love (but once we do, we don't care). This seems to be your first big "falling for someone" relationship. If he is your boss, look for another job....stay with the job only long enough to find another one and then leave it ASAP. He doesn't understand, I don't think, what he has done to you. Since he is so much older, he probably wanted just a "spring fling" type of relationship outside of marriage, but you, being so "young", you were hoping this was the "big thing" for you. I think he left you because he fears retribution from his god, his wife and his family, and it seems like he feels that dropping you is the least worst thing he could do. This may sound cliched, but it's true, you're young enough that you'll find the one that you are meant to be with. Someone who will bend to your every need, someone who will love you for who you are, no matter what. Until that day, try to get ahead in life.